What would happen to your life if you treated being mediocre not as something you can live with, but as a crisis that must be survived?
When has a great story ended with someone falling in to the median bracket?What have you learned from being average?
the average…
…person laughs 10 times a day
…student loan debt of 2014 graduates was over $30k
…friendship lasts 7 years
…North Dakotan drinks 45.8 gallons of beer per year, with the average american drinking about 22 gallons/year.
…retirement age in the US is 66, but in the NFL is 30
…cost of an american wedding is over $31k, with an average age of 28
… highest country of happiness is Denmark, but they’re 16th in personal wealth
Not only that but..
Americans over the age of 50 are more likely to be very happy.
-36% of those ages 50-64 and 41% of adults ages 65+ are ‘very happy’
and less than 30% of Americans younger than that report being very happy.
THS is dangerous, and this is average.
Seeing averages (grades, height/weight/physical abilities, intelligence levels, salaries) in the past tended to make me feel superior or inferior to others.
Recently, they make me restless.
Why on earth should I want to fall in to the average of a number that includes the myriad burnouts and the few overachievers?
I’m calling attention to the fact that if one wants to get ahead, if someone wants to have more, be more, or do more, he or she can’t afford to be average in the way they go about life.
Average isn’t good enough. Mediocrity doesn’t yield adventure and praise, yet being common does not mean undignified.
To use others as the control variable by which we choose to live our lives is disingenuous. Judging our actions by the expectations and precedents of others not because we feel compelled to, but because they will allow us to define ourselves to others in a way that will receive a certain reaction or to define our self worth will never be enough.
There will always be people passing judgement at something because of their own mind’s rationalization of what should be. But what is excellent for one may be inadequate to another.
We must start seeing ourselves not categorically defined in society but as people who embrace their ability to choose and think and change and enjoy. The whole idea that people are or are not worthy based on what they do or have done is dangerous, demeaning, and ignorant of the human condition.
I will choose to fall in to my own echelon.
A rank where choosing to be and do what brings joy to myself and the people I share my life with is a truth, and to do everything wholeheartedly. Where friendships and lifetimes are valued at more than time, happiness is shared without quantifying, and I measure my health against my own variables.
“Culture is not just the customs of another country. It is a group of people’s shared view on what is important. It shapes their attitudes about what is appropriate and it shapes their behavior. It makes sense to them but not to outsiders. It is missing nothing and doesn’t need to change to them. They are not born with their culture in their DNA, they learn this the same way we learned our culture.”
This is from one of the most compelling articles I’ve read recently. Read it HERE
“I’m moving to Brasil in March!” “I’m going to the Holy Lands for spring break!” “I”m going to France for the summer!” “Cyprus, it’s a small country north of Egypt and South of Turkey. Yeah, for four months!”
What do all of those phrases have in common? They were often followed with the question, “Is that safe? I mean, especially for women.”
You’ve gotta be kidding me!
The other night, a woman I’ve been spending a considerable amount of time talking to while in CO asked me how we (my friend Hilary) and I know what we’re doing.
First of all, I’m 23. I have no idea what I’m doing.
I’ve wandered around places from Chicago’s South Side to Palestine’s West Bank, and have never felt afraid. It doesn’t matter that I’m young, female, white, relatively privileged, or anything else that may make people think I’m a target on the road.
How do I know what I’m doing is safe? I don’t. But I believe in humanity, and blending in to cultures rather than observing them from the outside. Respect for a group of people takes travelers a long way.
Also, common sense and reading safety warnings are duly noted.
Now time to go study up on my Portuguese that I’ve been conveniently avoiding for the last month…
…Learning new languages, relating to people, being spontaneous, dealing with public transport, being supportive, packing light, staying calm… Perhaps my most positive traveling attribute is my smile- it’s similar in every language.
I’m actually really nervous about the upcoming trek to Brasil.
I haven’t learned as much Portuguese as I should, booking our plane tickets was a pill, and obtaining a VISA has been a total headache.
What’s getting me through the rough parts of planning is Shane’s complete confidence. He is taking a trip up to the consulate in Chicago this week to hopefully iron out the wrinkles in my application, and talked me through options on the phone time and time again. Not only that, but he originally invited me on this adventure sanguine that I’ll be a positive contribution to his future clinics and lifestyle.
The thing is, getting there isn’t what I’m nervous about.
Shane will be only one other person in our entire city (see it here!) who speaks my language fluently, and he’s also the person I will share a home and life experience with.
I’m excited to undertake the challenge, don’t get me wrong. But it’s going to be a novel contingency for me. He clearly understands me on a deeper level than most, and complements me almost perfectly. I simply struggle with the idea of being each other’s only.
For perspective, I’ll be moving from a college environment where intelligent conversations flow freely with everyone around me, to a place where there’s one person I’ll be able to talk to openly. Not only that, but the most time we’ve spent together at a time is about three weeks, and we’ve had other English speakers around us. This time we’ll be in this growth opportunity for exactly 80 days, and cohabiting possibly for a long time beyond that.
—
A common mistake that my peers make is placing the stress on their partners that they need to fulfill the other’s every need. I find that to be pretty ridiculous. I’m sure Shane doesn’t want to give me hair advice any more than I want to watch Star Wars.
I have to be willing to accept that one other person may not be able to fulfill my EVERY relationship need. This goes for friends and romantic partners. We aren’t saints, after all. On the flip side of that coin, it is absolutely expected to receive fundamental relationship needs out of a partner. These needs might be different than someone else’s, but no matter what relationship, both partners have to be willing to communicate and prioritize.
—
I’m excited to see how our relationship changes, and how we use it as an incentive to learn the language more quickly in order to build relationships with the people around us. I’m also totally open to advice on how to keep our partnership healthy rather than isolated!
According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. However, fearing their powers, Zeus split them into two separate beings, leaving them to spend the rest of their lives in search of each other.
I think there are so many songs about love because it is so open to interpretation and so vague.
As I visited last week, there is no way that there can only be one love.
Probability
First of all, some languages have multiple words for love. As many know, Greek has four (Philos, Eros, Agape, Stergo), plus multiple word combinations like Agapetos (beloved or loved one) all the way to Philadelphia (brotherly love). As if that isn’t impressive, Ancient Persian has 80. To take it a step further, Sanskrit has 96 words for love.
Side note: I also just learned that the Eskimo language has over thirty words for snow.
“English, only one. This is indicative of the poverty of awareness or emphasis that we give to that tremendously important realm of feeling.. An Eskimo probably would die of clumsiness if he had only one word for snow; we are close to dying of loneliness because we have only one word for love. Of all the Western languages, English may be the most lacking when it comes to feeling.” – Robert Johnson
Language is indicative of culture, who can blame people who suffer from narrow-mindedness if their language doesn’t allow them to explore a concept without words to describe it?
The red string of fate, an idea originating from Chinese legend, was tied around the ankles of those that are destined to meet one another. The two people connected by this red thread are destined lovers — the cord may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.
Beyond language barriers, what about land? If there were one opportunity for love for each person, who’s to say that the two will speak the same language? Or be in the same country? Or that they’d be in the same place at the same time? What if…
To bring it back to what I wrote last week, love is not just reserved for one person to be given to one other. In a world filled with 7 billion people, the idea that you have to search for effortlessly in the vain attempt to keep yourself from a fate of loneliness, is ridiculous.
I tell my parents that I love them.
I let my brother how much I appreciate him.
I explain to my best friends how important they are to me.
I express my affection for Shane.
I speak the truth.
According to Old Testament scriptures, each person has been given a romantic partner — called a bashert, a lifelong connection. It is said that 40 days before a man is born, God calls out the name of man’s soul mate; it’s a match literally made in heaven.
A person has multiple soul mates — it’d be impossible not to — meant to come in and out of his or her life over the years; these soul mates can be both romantic and platonic. Each soul mate serves a purpose, and once that purpose is served, the two go their separate ways, just a brief intersection on the infinite plane of life.
I don’t believe that I was born with four arms and four legs, that I have a string attached to me, or that God called my name to a man before he was born (sexist much?). I believe I have a plethora of soul mates, people that the universe destined for me to cross paths and form connections with, people who will teach me about the world and, most importantly, myself.
I’ve always known that I’d fall in love several times, whether it be in a day, a year, or a lifetime. I’ve known that there is not just one sentient soul reserved for me to love and learn with.
In fact, I wrote something along those lines about a year ago. Now that I’m in Colorado, the statement rings true again and again. Every day here has been spiritually enlightening. I’ve reconnected with people who mean a lot to me, an old friend who changed my life in many ways over the past decade, and been able to spend time getting to know new people. On top of the people, I’ve seen and interacted with the mountains, traveled to several cities, and experienced new flavors and sights. My intellect is incredibly satisfied, and I’m learning so much about myself in relation to the world I share!
“What I have realized since that summer is that I was made not for one person, not for many people, but for me…. I try every day to fall in love. With me. -From my old post
With last week being Valentines, I felt so surrounded by love and positivity, so I want to focus today on loving humans rather than my previous themes of loving myself and my surroundings.
It was a hard lesson to learn when I met my first recognized soulmate and let him go. Realizing I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life with him was novel at the time, and led to a long and winding road of self reflection. I remember the moments when I found out he had found someone else. I naively believed until then that he was my single soulmate.
I realized later that just because he wasn’t the one, he was still one. Being separate didn’t take away from his importance in my life. And so, I waited. I deliberated, I moved on, and I waited.
So, what about the soul mates that we don’t end up with? And what about the soul mates that we may never meet?
You know who I’m talking about.
The people who you can’t deny your connection with, but the timing doesn’t allow it to work out. The people so compelling that we never forget them, though there was never any romance. The people who compel emotions and actions that you never anticipated, but you never connected with on a deeper level. The people who make you want to know and be more, and love fully but don’t intend to spend the rest of our lives with.
Whether or not I am in a relationship, there always will (and should be) other people that I share my life with. (Blog post coming sooner or later on how one person simply can’t be EVERYTHING.) To share is to grow, and these other relationships help me to value the others even more. There are just so many people (and places.. and things..), that I want to experience and share.
It’s such a treat to grow with so many souls in a lifespan, and to know that there are others out there who want to grow with us. Is that what a soulmate is?
In this past week of concentrated love, I’ve encountered souls who have impacted me in myriad positive ways. I’m here to connect, and have enjoyed giving and receiving gratitude and camaraderie while in this stunning state.
And always, My feet will carry me to where my heart is.
Recently, the idea of ‘female solo travel’, has come across my radar quite a bit. I’ve read countless blogs and been so impressed by these women who take off on trips lasting from a week to several years on their own.
The blogs have a pretty predictable script: I wanted to do something bold, this is how I stay safe, look at all these awesome things I’ve done.
Now I’ve been compelled to take off on a solo journey of my own, but have no idea where to start. Where would I go? How will I pay for it? Where will I stay? When will I leave, and for how long? The possibilities are endless, and overwhelming.
As a self-proclaimed introverted Extrovert (ENTP), I love to flex my mental muscles. I have planned hundreds of trips in my mind, seldom planning on who they will be with. I’ve never minded the idea of traveling alone, nor have I ever entertained the idea that I might have already accomplished solo travel.
Skip this part if you want the CliffsNotes version:
Let’s take a step back.
Travel experience as an adult #1- I was 19 and moved to France to work in a language-focused summer camp. I didn’t know anyone there, had met my boss once on Skype and had about 5 emails with him before I left.
#2- Road trip around IL, IN, OH, KY, TN to Bonnaroo, Mammoth Caves, and Dayton. Met a friend in Dayton and couch surfed and camped for 6 days.
#3- Midwest roadtrip with Shane. Camped and stayed with his parents for 2 weeks, went to Electric Forest, Cedar Point, several breweries, Cleveland, museums, etc.
#4- Study abroad trip to Cyprus. I didn’t know a single soul before I went, had an apartment, and traveled quite a bit while I was there.
#5- Simply for notability, I booked plane tickets from Cyprus to Tel Aviv and spent my two week spring break traveling through Israel and Palestine, couch surfing, taking buses, and stayed a night in a hostel.
#6- Went to Chicago for 5 days to spend time at a conference with several entrepreneurs that I had never met before.
NOT ONCE did I ever consider that I was traveling alone.
Seriously. Since graduating High School I’ve been to 17 countries and 18 states.
I just did it; I have already done several trips that qualify as ‘female solo travel’. I didn’t necessarily need any one person by my side, I just fulfilled my need to GO. I moved to Texas knowing one person there. I moved to Iowa State knowing two people there.
Not once during these travels or big moves did I feel alone. With almost every one of these experiences, I came out of it with a new best friend.
Between couch surfing, bus rides, hostels, work and volunteerism friends, classmates, and hitch hiking, I was never alone.
The concept of never being alone kills my inner introvert. But what made me nervous and excited about traveling is what fuels my inner extravert- I get to meet new people and experiences everywhere I went, without the premise of making anyone but myself happy.
I travel with no intent on arriving, and I love with fervor. It’s a wonderful combination to take into the wide world.
