Ohhh, the mistletoe..
Come December, couples will be found lingering under laden doorways.
Couples not yet coupled will avoid it like the plague, for under it demands the “Define The Relationship” discussion.
The culprit is in the mind of every preteen boy, or rather, over it.
The mistletoe tradition has varied roots.
Despite its Anglo-Saxon etymology, ‘mistel’, meaning “dung,” and “tan,” meaning “twig,” its romantic association prevailed.
For centuries, it was believed to increase life and fertility. As the Norse legend goes, Balder, son of the goddess Frigga, was killed by an evil spirit with an arrow made of mistletoe. Saddened by her son’s death, Frigga wept tears of white berries, which brought Balder back to life. Frigga was so overjoyed that she blessed the plant and promised a kiss to all who passed beneath it.
The British custom was to pick a berry from the sprig of mistletoe before the person could be kissed. When all the berries had gone, there could be no more kissing. For centuries it has been the scapegoat to romantic advances, but not all welcome the excuse to smooch.
The Kissed
If caught under mistletoen confines, you will be faced with the uncomfortable decision to kiss or diss. Repercussions are weighty, ability to escape its holiday party presence- unlikely.
The plant is a botanic bother as well. As mistletoe grows on a tree, it uses its roots to invade a tree’s bark, allowing it to absorb the tree’s nutrients, sometimes causing deformities in a tree’s branches.
The Kisser
Should you be the one making use of mistletoe’s services, do not loiter in its locale, waiting to advance when desired target is directly under its boughs. Mind your mistletoe manners, for an unexpected and incoming smooch can send an unwilling recipient to the slopes.
To Kiss or Question?
According to the Mistletoe Manifesto, the conduct surrounding this popular custom is not clear-cut, leaving individuals to their own devices.
Can we actually distinguish mistletoe from any other bushel of leaves? Does any bouquet hung during the month of December defend a kissing case? Must one locate and pluck from tree, or will Wal-Mart’s pre-packaged plant suffice?
And what about the kissing itself? Must it be on cheek? On lips? Is there a seconds-ceiling for the snogging?
Is the act reserved for only those you know? You know by name? You know by name and not by blood?
Should you not be ready to “take it to the next level” with whomever stands under mistletoe’s limbs, you will spend the holiday season avoiding doorways and Whoville-caliber decorated districts.
Pucker up or pass. Worst case scenario, blame it on season’s tidings.